This is the video that really pushed me to write about the importance of consent. If you haven’t seen it, it’s pretty great, and explains the importance of consent way better than I do.
- 1 week ago
It’s been a while since I’ve posted because life is a crazy-hectic mess, and class has been overruling tumblr for the last few months. But I came across a video that really verbalized some things I’ve been trying to communicate to others lately, so I’m just going to hop right on back into my comfy spot on tumblr and write about it.
I’ve recently found myself in cahoots with a beautiful girl. About a month ago I asked her to be my girlfriend, and we’ve been doing cute things like holding hands and going on dates ever since. But one of my habitual things I do when I’m with her is ask for her permission. I say things like, “Can I kiss you?” “Is this okay?” “Do you mind if my hand is on your back?” “How are you doing?”
She told me recently that she was annoyed the first time I did that, and the whole time she was thinking, “Just kiss me already, the anticipation is making me nervous!”
And don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited she wanted me to kiss her, but we’re both extremely awkward people, and it was really hard to tell from her facial expressions if she actually wanted me to kiss her or not, and sexual assault is not my game.
You see, one of my roommates once dated a guy that made her feel horrible about herself because he did things like make her take her shirt off, and touch her boobs when she hadn’t given him permission. She liked his attention, but he was overly aggressive. She even came home with bruises a couple times from their make out sessions, when he would push her into things. And another good friend of mine was raped by a guy she was just friends with because he wouldn’t take no for an answer and forced himself on her.
We live in a world where sexual assault and rape happen way too often. Rape culture is something I’ve found myself talking about more and more in class and with the people I love and care about. I’m upset with how hard it is for both men and women to understand why we should check for consent throughout our relationships, especially considering how damaging it can be to both of the people involved.
I will keep constantly checking in with my girlfriend when we’re together because I care and respect for her. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable or unvalued because I’m an inconsiderate and forceful girlfriend.
If you’re in a relationship, it’s not just about you doing what you want. You should care about the other person, and show them that by respecting them. And don’t let them make you feel any less by letting them do things you’re not ready to do. There should be a mutual respect in a relationship, so nobody feels damaged, devalued, or assaulted.
Care for your partner. Ask for permission. Check for consent.
- 2 months ago
"This world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another. If we took just five minutes to recognize each other’s beauty instead of attacking each other for our differences. That’s not hard. It’s really an easier and better way to live."
- 2 months ago
About a year ago I joined a sorority on my campus. At the time, none of the girls knew I’m a lesbian. In fact, the first person I told that semester was one of our Advisors, because I was super stressed and felt like crap, and she knew I was hiding something. She took it like a pro, and at the time I had no idea she was the wife of a pastor, but as far as I’m concerned she handled it with the right amount love, care, and understanding that any church member should.
I’ve now held an important position in my sorority, and I know all of the girls fairly well. But not a lot of them really know me. So I’ve begun my mission to stop keeping secrets from them and begin to tell everyone about this part of me that they are not familiar with.
And naturally, with the assistance of my roommates (who are also in my sorority), I told the president. Go big or go home. And she informed me that her freshman year roommate was a lesbian. I swear, straight girls know more lesbians on this campus than I do.
After that I decided to tell my set designer for one of our shows. At first I thought she was going to be one of those people that are like, “Thank you for telling me, now lets never talk about it again.” Instead I found us in my kitchen at 3am, handing a bowl of mac&cheese to our president, asking her if she’s a fork kind of girl or a spoon kind of girl. The president responded with, “Is that a trick question?” and our set designer looks me dead in the eyes and says, “Well, you’re definitely a spoon.” Our jaws dropped so fast. She just laughed and exited the room while we stared at her in surprise.
And then, because I was on a roll, my roommates talked me into telling the pledge that I’m “mentoring.” And when I told her, my roommates all sitting at the kitchen table with us, she just started laughing and said, “I love you.” Thus leading us all into laughter.
I assume that many people will not handle it well the way many people assume gays will not attend a Christian university. It’s silly of me to think that. And while I know that not everyone is going to handle it well, that doesn’t mean no one will. I’m lucky to have the support of my sorority sisters as I become honest with them about myself.
- 2 months ago
- 2 months ago
For the last few weeks I’ve been running around like a maniac, being the director for an absolutely hilarious music show full of singing and dancing. I’ve been too busy to sit down and think through a new blog post, especially since we’ve had shows for the last couple days, and have two more today. But I’m making time right now to say what’s important.
People in power have a hard life. Closeted people in power have it even harder.
So imagine my excitement when a fantastic Football player like Michael Sam comes out. This guy stepped up and said, I may not be signed to a team yet, but that’s not going to stop me from telling the world who I am. If you haven’t heard of him, google can help. I’m not from Mizzou, but I definitely have my links to that University, and they let all of Facebook know how proud they are to have such a supportive school.
And on top of that, Ellen Page came out last night.
I was having a horrible night, then I saw that. I literally got so excited that all my roommates looked at me like I was about to sprint out of the house and run until I found her and gave her a great big bear hug (or something like that). Because being the well-known actress that she is puts her in one hell of a position. Coming out like that could make a huge difference to some sweet-hearted teenager that felt like no girl knew what it felt like to like girls until she saw her favorite actress do it.
And yes, I’ve had a thing for Ellen Page for a while now (I mean, have you seen Whip it?), so I will happily be in the line of girls that want to tell her thank you for being brave and coming out. This world is hard, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change it for the better, one closet door at a time.
And while it’s hard to come out, we have some pretty great people to look up to as we make our way though this. And though you may not be famous, and I may not be famous, that doesn’t mean any of us coming out couldn’t change the lives of someone who needs an important LGBT figure in their lives to show them it’s okay to be different.
Michael Sam and Ellen Page know all about that.
I follow this one Tumblr entitled “I’m not homophobic, but…” and I’ve gotten used to seeing it pop up on my feed occasionally. It’s pictures of twitter posts demonstrating homophobic people who think they aren’t homophobic at all. It’s some of the best evidence towards my theory on the three levels of homophobia that I’ve ever come across. I usually just see them, shake my head, and continue on. It’s a pretty clear demonstration of people with low level to middle level homophobia, but I rarely see high level homophobia appear. Mainly because with high level homophobia easily admit that they dislike LGBT members without saying things like, “I’m not homophobic,” because they know they’re homophobic.
So imagine my extreme feelings of anger when I see the picture of a twitter post that says, “I’m not homophobic, I just hate gays to the point where if I see one, I have thoughts of killing one…-_-“
Homophobia is not a mystery. It’s hatred, intolerance, and prejudice towards gays. It’s hurtful, offensive, and not to be taken lightly.
Saying “I’m not homophobic” and following it up with a homophobic comment does not make it okay. It makes you an ass. It makes you think your behavior is excusable. But it’s not. Encouraging hate crimes, violence, and murder is never okay.
Reading through the twitter posts on this Tumblr (http://nothomophobic.tumblr.com/) is very frustrating. Just when it seems the world is moving forwards when it comes to equality, I find things like this that make me feel like we’re taking a step back. I just have to remind myself that the great minds don’t spend all day twittering their uneducated one-liners to tell make themselves feel powerful through homophobia, racism, sexism, and other forms of negativity.
I live in a house with three other roommates, and we love to sit around, talk about our problems, and give each other opinions, advice, and a different perspective. Which is fantastic, and I absolutely love it.
But there’s always the occasional day where I come to them for advice, and they each give me completely different and conflicting answers.
For example, I recently came to them for advice on how to handle seeing the girl I like at the start of the new semester. Here’s how it went.
Roommate 1: Tell her how you feel.
Roommate 2: Don’t say or do anything.
Roommate 3: Immediately kiss her. And maybe scream YOLO right before.
- 3 months ago
I just spent a week taking a short-course at my university. It was a Bible class about Culture and Christianity, and I went in thinking it was going to be some outrageously boring torture class that I’d attend every day from 8am to 5pm for an entire week. I was wrong.
We covered discussions that I never imagined having in a Bible class at this religious Texas University. There came a point where she asked us to list things that Christians were afraid to talk about. We made categories like sex, parties, alcohol, and money, and filled them in.
There came a point where the guy sitting next to me asked to add the category of love, explaining that love is different from sex, and talking about the differences of family love, romantic love, and love for our God. Shortly after, I raised my hand and said the board needed homosexuality under love, even though we already had it under sex. Being the awesome teacher that she is, she smirked and asked me to explain.
People argue about same-sex marriages because all they think about is the physical act of sex, rather than thinking of two people falling in love. My teacher happily put Same-gender love/attraction beneath the category of love, encouraging the class to think about my statement.
Isn’t it crazy that everyone’s mind goes straight to sex? I mean, yes, we tend to become primal beings fairly quickly about some things, but it’s not that way about straight people. A heterosexual couple dates in high school, and people won’t talk about them like it’s all about sex unless one or both of the people in the relationship are well known for their promiscuity.
Reality: being a homosexual isn’t all about sex. It’s also about holding hands, going on dates, kissing, snuggling, talking, dancing, sharing what you have in common, supporting what’s different, worrying, taking care of each other when sick, wanting to make an average day extraordinary for them, knowing their secrets, meeting their family, talking about them when they’re not around (in a good way, obviously), feeling lucky that they’re with you, not always knowing what to do, and wanting to do whatever it takes to be with this amazing person even if other people are homophobic jerks about it.
Yes, sex is involved. But geez people, how could you not talk about love?