- 2 weeks ago
About a year ago I joined a sorority on my campus. At the time, none of the girls knew I’m a lesbian. In fact, the first person I told that semester was one of our Advisors, because I was super stressed and felt like crap, and she knew I was hiding something. She took it like a pro, and at the time I had no idea she was the wife of a pastor, but as far as I’m concerned she handled it with the right amount love, care, and understanding that any church member should.
I’ve now held an important position in my sorority, and I know all of the girls fairly well. But not a lot of them really know me. So I’ve begun my mission to stop keeping secrets from them and begin to tell everyone about this part of me that they are not familiar with.
And naturally, with the assistance of my roommates (who are also in my sorority), I told the president. Go big or go home. And she informed me that her freshman year roommate was a lesbian. I swear, straight girls know more lesbians on this campus than I do.
After that I decided to tell my set designer for one of our shows. At first I thought she was going to be one of those people that are like, “Thank you for telling me, now lets never talk about it again.” Instead I found us in my kitchen at 3am, handing a bowl of mac&cheese to our president, asking her if she’s a fork kind of girl or a spoon kind of girl. The president responded with, “Is that a trick question?” and our set designer looks me dead in the eyes and says, “Well, you’re definitely a spoon.” Our jaws dropped so fast. She just laughed and exited the room while we stared at her in surprise.
And then, because I was on a roll, my roommates talked me into telling the pledge that I’m “mentoring.” And when I told her, my roommates all sitting at the kitchen table with us, she just started laughing and said, “I love you.” Thus leading us all into laughter.
I assume that many people will not handle it well the way many people assume gays will not attend a Christian university. It’s silly of me to think that. And while I know that not everyone is going to handle it well, that doesn’t mean no one will. I’m lucky to have the support of my sorority sisters as I become honest with them about myself.
- 3 weeks ago
- 3 weeks ago
For the last few weeks I’ve been running around like a maniac, being the director for an absolutely hilarious music show full of singing and dancing. I’ve been too busy to sit down and think through a new blog post, especially since we’ve had shows for the last couple days, and have two more today. But I’m making time right now to say what’s important.
People in power have a hard life. Closeted people in power have it even harder.
So imagine my excitement when a fantastic Football player like Michael Sam comes out. This guy stepped up and said, I may not be signed to a team yet, but that’s not going to stop me from telling the world who I am. If you haven’t heard of him, google can help. I’m not from Mizzou, but I definitely have my links to that University, and they let all of Facebook know how proud they are to have such a supportive school.
And on top of that, Ellen Page came out last night.
I was having a horrible night, then I saw that. I literally got so excited that all my roommates looked at me like I was about to sprint out of the house and run until I found her and gave her a great big bear hug (or something like that). Because being the well-known actress that she is puts her in one hell of a position. Coming out like that could make a huge difference to some sweet-hearted teenager that felt like no girl knew what it felt like to like girls until she saw her favorite actress do it.
And yes, I’ve had a thing for Ellen Page for a while now (I mean, have you seen Whip it?), so I will happily be in the line of girls that want to tell her thank you for being brave and coming out. This world is hard, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change it for the better, one closet door at a time.
And while it’s hard to come out, we have some pretty great people to look up to as we make our way though this. And though you may not be famous, and I may not be famous, that doesn’t mean any of us coming out couldn’t change the lives of someone who needs an important LGBT figure in their lives to show them it’s okay to be different.
Michael Sam and Ellen Page know all about that.
I follow this one Tumblr entitled “I’m not homophobic, but…” and I’ve gotten used to seeing it pop up on my feed occasionally. It’s pictures of twitter posts demonstrating homophobic people who think they aren’t homophobic at all. It’s some of the best evidence towards my theory on the three levels of homophobia that I’ve ever come across. I usually just see them, shake my head, and continue on. It’s a pretty clear demonstration of people with low level to middle level homophobia, but I rarely see high level homophobia appear. Mainly because with high level homophobia easily admit that they dislike LGBT members without saying things like, “I’m not homophobic,” because they know they’re homophobic.
So imagine my extreme feelings of anger when I see the picture of a twitter post that says, “I’m not homophobic, I just hate gays to the point where if I see one, I have thoughts of killing one…-_-“
Homophobia is not a mystery. It’s hatred, intolerance, and prejudice towards gays. It’s hurtful, offensive, and not to be taken lightly.
Saying “I’m not homophobic” and following it up with a homophobic comment does not make it okay. It makes you an ass. It makes you think your behavior is excusable. But it’s not. Encouraging hate crimes, violence, and murder is never okay.
Reading through the twitter posts on this Tumblr (http://nothomophobic.tumblr.com/) is very frustrating. Just when it seems the world is moving forwards when it comes to equality, I find things like this that make me feel like we’re taking a step back. I just have to remind myself that the great minds don’t spend all day twittering their uneducated one-liners to tell make themselves feel powerful through homophobia, racism, sexism, and other forms of negativity.
I live in a house with three other roommates, and we love to sit around, talk about our problems, and give each other opinions, advice, and a different perspective. Which is fantastic, and I absolutely love it.
But there’s always the occasional day where I come to them for advice, and they each give me completely different and conflicting answers.
For example, I recently came to them for advice on how to handle seeing the girl I like at the start of the new semester. Here’s how it went.
Roommate 1: Tell her how you feel.
Roommate 2: Don’t say or do anything.
Roommate 3: Immediately kiss her. And maybe scream YOLO right before.
- 1 month ago
I just spent a week taking a short-course at my university. It was a Bible class about Culture and Christianity, and I went in thinking it was going to be some outrageously boring torture class that I’d attend every day from 8am to 5pm for an entire week. I was wrong.
We covered discussions that I never imagined having in a Bible class at this religious Texas University. There came a point where she asked us to list things that Christians were afraid to talk about. We made categories like sex, parties, alcohol, and money, and filled them in.
There came a point where the guy sitting next to me asked to add the category of love, explaining that love is different from sex, and talking about the differences of family love, romantic love, and love for our God. Shortly after, I raised my hand and said the board needed homosexuality under love, even though we already had it under sex. Being the awesome teacher that she is, she smirked and asked me to explain.
People argue about same-sex marriages because all they think about is the physical act of sex, rather than thinking of two people falling in love. My teacher happily put Same-gender love/attraction beneath the category of love, encouraging the class to think about my statement.
Isn’t it crazy that everyone’s mind goes straight to sex? I mean, yes, we tend to become primal beings fairly quickly about some things, but it’s not that way about straight people. A heterosexual couple dates in high school, and people won’t talk about them like it’s all about sex unless one or both of the people in the relationship are well known for their promiscuity.
Reality: being a homosexual isn’t all about sex. It’s also about holding hands, going on dates, kissing, snuggling, talking, dancing, sharing what you have in common, supporting what’s different, worrying, taking care of each other when sick, wanting to make an average day extraordinary for them, knowing their secrets, meeting their family, talking about them when they’re not around (in a good way, obviously), feeling lucky that they’re with you, not always knowing what to do, and wanting to do whatever it takes to be with this amazing person even if other people are homophobic jerks about it.
Yes, sex is involved. But geez people, how could you not talk about love?
- 2 months ago
It’s been an absolutely crazy year! I think it’s safe to say that 2013 holds a very special place in my heart. And as we enter into the new year, I’d like everyone to consider a question that I came across on Tumblr yesterday.
Are you really happy or are you just really comfortable?
This year I gave up residing comfortably in the closet and came out to many of my friends and family members. Amazingly enough, majority of the reactions involved love and support. I’m so much happier knowing that people love ALL of me, and not just the parts that I think they can handle. It’s given me the opportunity to talk with people about things I’ve never really spoken of out loud. And by being honest, my friends have found the courage to be honest with me about themselves as well. I took a risk by trusting others, and in return their trust in me grew.
But have you broken out of your comfort to find happiness?
I’ve come across a couple girls this year that seem to be still dating their boyfriends due to comfort and expectations. It’s not only unfair to you, but also unfair to your boyfriend/girlfriend to keep dating when the relationship is done growing. Don’t be afraid to break a heart, because hearts will mend. You’d be doing more damage by sticking around, knowing you’re never going to be able to give a heart the love it deserves.
And for the love of all things good in this world, go on an adventure. One of my friends has been given the opportunity to venture out to England next semester, and the weight of all the preparations and organization it took to arrange it was really weighing her down. Truth be told, I’m not looking forwards to her absence next semester, but I know she’s going to have a great experience. She’s breaking out of her comfort zone and seeing a part of the world she wants to get to know. And while I’m not saying everyone should hop on a plane out of the country, I do think that it’s easy to get stuck in one place. So go to that place you’ve been dreaming of seeing in person. Fly from the west coast to the east coast for your old college roommate’s wedding. Go on a road trip with your family. Get in the car and just drive.
And give up on being one of those friends that never speak up about what offends them because you’re afraid of inconveniencing others. I had to explain to one of my roommates this year why I find her use of the word “Dyke” offensive even when she doesn’t mean it aggressively. I also had a talk with a friend about how hearing the word “retarded” used negatively in conversation is offensive to her, but she doesn’t know how to handle addressing people about it. More than once found myself discussing with people why I am a feminist, and how infuriated it makes me to hear people judge me for wanting equality for both women and the LGBT community. I’ve been made fun of by guys on campus who think a feminist is just a girl who hasn’t discovered her place in the kitchen yet.
If it matters to you, speak up about it. Make people feel uncomfortable, because people misunderstand the power of words all the time. Don’t go into 2014 afraid to speak up for yourself. And don’t apologize for being offended, they’re the ones who should apologize.
Be brave, my fellow Tumblr lovers. The world is a big place, don’t stop looking for happiness just because you found something comfortable.
2014 could be the best year ever. Let’s make it a happy one.
- 2 months ago
Many times I’ve met beautiful and strong people. It’s incredible how people change when fighting through trials and tribulations. It’s hard to be honest, brave, and willing to keep going when it feels like there’s nothing but darkness.
Recently I’ve encountered some absolutely astounding people. They’ve told me stories that allowed me to see how incredible they really are.
Like the transgendered woman who is stuck in a man’s body. She goes to school with me, where she can’t tell many of her friends who she really is. She pretends to be a man, because that’s what is necessary to survive at a Christian University like ours. She goes through every day, knowing that in the future she’ll be able to be herself. She’s doing what she has to, the way many of the LGBT students at our school do.
But there’s also another group of strong-hearted people that I’ve come to know. Some really sweet women that I truly care about have been the victims of rape.
One of my friends was raped while we were attending our fine Christian University. Raped by a man that I called my friend. It took her a great deal of strength to tell me, and after a year, I was there for her when she told some of our other friends. I honored her decision to not report him to the police, because she couldn’t handle having people know what had happened to her, having it become a scandal. However, having him in class, I have to remind myself that I can’t rip him apart until he feels as horrible about himself as she did about herself.
Shortly after that, I found myself having a discussion with a friend of mine, who admitted that she had been raped in high school by her boyfriend. She managed to get away from him, and she went on to attend University, where I met her. She helped me understand why my friend would want to abstain from reporting him. How horrible it can make someone feel to admit that they’d been overpowered, to have something taken from them that they weren’t willing to give.
And recently I made another friend. Within the length of a short car ride across town, we talked about how she had been raped, and how important it was to have a man come to our campus and talk to us about protecting your friends and yourself against rape. We also bonded over finding the same girl absolutely beautiful. And who doesn’t love being able to admit having a thing for a girl? She was serious, but in her strength, she showed that she didn’t let it keep her from living.
Horrible things happen to us. We keep going because we hope that one day it wont hurt so much. And yes, eventually it doesn’t. But it will always be a part of our story, leaving us with scars. Scars that bring us strength, and add to our beauty.
Let the beautiful people in your life know how thankful you are that they made it this far. It’s hard to keep on living, and it’s even harder to tell the stories of the scars that cover our hearts. Let them know that you see their strength. Let them know you’re honored that they trusted you enough to tell you. Let them know you love them. They may not hear things like that often enough. You may say what they’ve needed to hear for the freshest wounds to begin to heal.